Purpose

Being an effective teacher with 30 students seems like an impossible task, especially if you equate effectiveness with perfection.

Having a large number of students automatically diminishes student focus. It’s impossible for me to control each student to be 100% focused on every lesson 100% of the time. I can’t change the fact that my students are squished together and complain about always bumping into each other’s chairs.

Grading can be a nightmare, especially when 1/3 of the class chooses to turn every assignment in late (or not to turn it in or even do the assignment until you remind them). When students are absent, I can’t stand over them until they get caught up.

It’s literally impossible to schedule all 30 parent/teacher conferences in the time allotted by the school, so two days of conferences has turned into a week of conferences.

It’s difficult to monitor so many students on a day-to-day and even week-to-week basis. If a student is struggling, I don’t have the time or energy to give them the one-on-one attention they need.

With so many students, it’s impossible to meet with all my small reading groups in one week. Even when I am meeting with small groups at the back table, I can’t control the behavior of the other 27 students who are supposed to be working independently.

When my special needs student has a meltdown and runs out of the room, I can’t leave the other 29 students to chase him down. Calling the office and the special ed teacher take away valuable class time.

And then there are the many mistakes I make every day because my brain is overwhelmed with the constant multitasking… Like yesterday when I arranged our schedule wrong, and my students missed 45 minutes of their music time.

But this year is not without purpose, for my God is a God of purpose. Maybe the point is not perfection. Maybe it’s not about my being an “effective teacher” the way I would define it. The root of my desire for perfection is my desire to be in control of my own life and circumstances. Dealing with the difficulties at school this year seem impossible, but what’s truly impossible is for my control to produce anything effective or good. God deserves the glory for every good thing that is accomplished through me. He wants my dependence on Him. “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10)

I was also reminded this week of Colossians 3:23-24. “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.” Who am I trying to please in teaching with perfection? I have discovered that I’ve been trying to work for myself to impress my principal or other teachers. The focus has been ME, and I’ve been looking for a “reward” from men. With this motivation, I fall apart when given criticism or when things don’t go the way I expect. “I work for the Lord and not for men.” What a freeing reality! My Lord is pleased when I rely on Him, do my best, and then praise Him for the results.

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What is Failure?

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28 is a well-known Scripture verse, but sometimes we don’t actually see the good that comes from what seems like a negative experience. Or sometimes it takes years…

“In our story, the family received the bad news that the banks had failed and their money was gone. I want you to think of a time you received bad news,” I said to my 5th graders yesterday. We are in the middle of our personal narrative writing unit. As we read a picture book together, we stopped to make connections in order to gather stories to write about. After giving them some think-time, I shared a story of my own:

“I was just reminded of some bad news I received. I haven’t thought of this story for a long time… When I was a senior in high school, I had my heart set on becoming an elementary music teacher. I had to audition for the School of Music at UNC, so I practiced and practiced a solo piece on my violin. When the audition came, I was really nervous. I played my best, but the audition was discouraging. They asked me questions about music, and I didn’t give them the “correct” answers. A while later, I received a letter in the mail from UNC. They told me that I did not get accepted to be a music major. I was devastated. How could this be? I loved music, and there was nothing else I wanted to do but teach. After some thinking, I decided that I would still major in education and get a music minor instead.”

The students shared some of their bad news, and then it was time to write. I always model an example of my own for the students so they can see my thinking as a writer.

“First, I will think of a title for my story,” I began. “Something about music major… Music Major…”

“Failure!” Caleb shouted out. The class was silent.

“Caleb, don’t be rude,” Hunter said.

“I love it!” I exclaimed. “Music Major Failure.” The kids were confused.

“Isn’t failure a bad thing?” they asked me. It was the perfect teaching opportunity.

“Yes, the failure of my audition seemed like a bad thing. It seemed bad that I wanted to major in music to become a music teacher and I wasn’t able to…but it didn’t turn out bad in the end. Failure can lead you in a new direction,” I explained.

“You wouldn’t be our teacher!” Teresa realized.

“I think you do better teaching all the subjects in 5th grade,” another student added. They all got excited, thinking about how different things would be if I hadn’t failed my audition ten years ago.

We continued with the lesson. We’ve been working on HOOKing your reader with a good beginning and WOWing them with a good ending. I began to think about how to start. Jordan’s hand shot up in the air. “I think you should start with you reading the letter,” she suggested. “Dear Miss Agee, we are sorry, but you can’t be a music major.”

“Good idea!” I said. My eyes filled with tears as I read the letter, I wrote.

“Ohhh, I would want to read a story that begins like that!” Kade said.

“Dear Sarah Agee, we are sorry to inform you that you did not get accepted to be a music major at UNC.”

“Ok, now I’m going to think about the ending of my story. Once I have the beginning and ending, I’ll fill in details in the middle.” We all agreed that the ending had to be a reflection of my failure.

If I had majored in music, I wouldn’t be here in Platteville enjoying my 5th graders.

“Miss Agee, you’re going to cry!” one student said. No, I wasn’t going to cry… but I think we all learned an important lesson about the good that can come from a “failure.”

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Post-it Verse of the Week

“I keep my eyes always on the Lord. With Him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.” Psalm 16:8

In the midst of my busy days as a teacher, it’s hard to keep my eyes always on the Lord. What does it even look like? Last fall, I began choosing a “Verse of the Week.” Each week, I wrote the chosen verse on a post-it and stapled it to the bulletin board in my bedroom. This was my way of giving myself a Scriptural focus – something I could bring to mind quickly in the quiet spaces of my day, something I could meditate on repeatedly through the week. It helps to have something so specific, yet so powerful to “drive” your thought life.IMG_4428

I haven’t kept up with this routine faithfully, but I chose a verse again this week and have been thoroughly refreshed by it so far. This week’s focus is Psalm 21:13 – “Be exalted, O Lord, in Your strength! We will sing and praise Your power.” We are most satisfied when God is glorified. This is encouraging to me because it means that I can be satisfied right now today. All I have to do is think of who God is and magnify Him. When He is in His rightful place, my heart is content and joyful.

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Tornado Warning and Hailstorm

At 3:45 I was awakened from a nap by the sound of an emergency alert on my phone. There was a tornado warning. Lily was also napping on her bed, so I grabbed the entire crate and a few books and headed to the bathroom.photoSince I don’t have a basement, Lily and I hung out for a while in the bathroom.

IMG_4882At 4:30, the warning expired, but a new one replaced it. A tornado had touched the ground 5 miles west of my condo! Suddenly, I could hear the strong winds and a horrible banging noise. Lily’s tail poofed up because she was so scared. It was hailing, but at first I thought the tornado was tearing things apart. I grabbed Lily and shoved her into her crate and brought it in the tub with me. She settled down a bit, but I was shaking!

IMG_4883The tornado went south of me, touching the ground several times along the way. All we got was a bunch of hail, but it was still terrifying.

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Water/hail came out of the downspouts so quickly, the rocks were scattered onto the sidewalk!

IMG_4900The poor little tree outside my window lost a bunch of leaves.

IMG_4901Hail in the soggy, wet grass.

IMG_4902I’m glad my car was tucked safely inside my garage! All the cars are pretty dented up.

IMG_4909Some windows in my complex were broken.

IMG_4912Beautiful clouds after the storm…

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Categories: Just Life | 1 Comment

Bringer of the Morning

“Have you commanded the morning since your days began, and caused the dawn to know its place?” (Job 38:12) God is the Bringer of the morning. At His command, the sun rises to spread light on all that was darkness. His light pierces the dark places of my heart, and He turns all things for my good and His glory as I trust Him in this new day He has created. How can I fear when He is in control? “Satisfy us in the morning with Your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.” (Psalm 90:14)

Categories: Character of God, Fear/Anxiety, Spiritual Growth | Leave a comment

Let My Mind Dwell

I am learning to “take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5). The struggles and sins that I encounter every day are, first of all, a battle of the mind that I must fight with the Sword of the Spirit (God’s Word). In feeling discouraged by Satan’s lies about my identity, I began to meditate on the truth of who I am in Christ – “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent, if anything is worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things” (Philippians 4:8). The result of my meditation was the writing of a new worship song titled “Let My Mind Dwell.”

vs. 1
I am strong for all things in the One who is Strength
I have peace, deeper still, in my Yahweh Shalom
And I rejoice! For the LORD is at hand
It is here I will let my mind dwell

Chorus
Glory to God Most High, holy in wisdom and might
My heart can trust in Your Name
Jesus, my Life and my King!

vs. 2
I am pure in the One who has taken my sin
I have joy in the God who delights in my life
And I rejoice! For the LORD is at hand
It is here I will let my mind dwell

vs. 3
I’m content in the Lord who has sovereign control
I’m secure in my firm and unchangeable Rock
And I rejoice! For the LORD is at hand
It is here I will let my mind dwell

Categories: Character of God, Direction/Change, Fear/Anxiety, Peace/Contentment, Spiritual Growth | Leave a comment

Calendar of Thanks

“I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember Your wonders of old. I will ponder all Your work, and meditate on Your mighty deeds. Your way, O God, is holy. What god is great like our God? You are the God who works wonders; You have made known your might among the peoples.” (Psalm 77:11-14)

It is often difficult in moments of trial to remember the goodness and blessings of the LORD. Yet we are commanded in Scripture to remember what God has done for us – and when we do, our focus is shifted from complaint and discouragement to praise and thanksgiving. A heart of thanksgiving is one that acknowledges Who is the blessed Giver of all things, and Who is working every circumstance for our good and His glory. “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” (James 1:17)

This year I designated the calendar in my bedroom to be my “Calendar of Thanks.” Each night, I will write something from the day for which I am thankful. At a difficult point in the school year, I realized that I was still resenting the hard parts of the day and only giving thanks for the things that were most obviously a blessing…so I gave myself a challenge – if something was difficult in my day, I had to look there and be thankful. It is a transforming mindset and something I have to continually practice.

In this way I am tracking the days through each month, and I am given the opportunity to look back and remember how God has blessed me.

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