Pride and low self-esteem seem to be opposites. Strangely, I’m experiencing both at the same time. The Lord has graciously gifted me in music. People are amazed at how quickly I can transpose in my head (and how much I enjoy it!). Learning new instruments or musical concepts comes quickly to me. Sometimes I am tempted to be prideful in my abilities. However, I also often feel that I’m “not good enough.”
I am auditioning for orchestra in a month and have begun to notice a fear in myself: the fear of failure. What if I don’t make it? But a fear of anything that is not the Lord is an unhealthy fear, for He is the One who guides us in what is BEST. When I first graduated high school, I wanted to be a music teacher. I practiced and auditioned for the school of music at UNC but was not accepted. It was a hard reality for me to face. I wasn’t “good enough” to be a music major. But these “failures” are always part of God’s perfect will. Though I still have a strong passion for music, the Lord wanted me to be an elementary teacher, and He has abundantly blessed me HERE where He has placed me.
It’s not about ME and being “good enough” or not being “good enough.” It’s about the Lord and how I fit into HIS plan. When I am tempted to be prideful, I have to remember that because He has gifted me, He will also guide every detail in using my gifts.