The Voice of Your Shepherd

Posted on April 27, 2017 by Sarah

Jesus said to her, “Mary.” She turned and said to him in Aramaic, “Rabboni!” (which means Teacher). –John 20:16

Mary had followed Jesus everywhere. She had clung to Him and listened to His teaching. And now He had died and was buried in a tomb. When she discovered a few days later that His body was gone, she immediately jumped to the conclusion that someone had stolen Him. She ran to share this distressing news with the other disciples. And when she returned to the tomb, she was weeping out of sorrow.

It’s so easy to jump to negative conclusions when we don’t understand what is happening. We are distressed and sorrowful over the conclusion we picture in our minds — that something awful is happening, that Jesus has abandoned us, that God is not in control. What if, instead, we were able to transfer our worry to trust? Because the truth is that our Lord never leaves us or forsakes us, He cares for us dearly, and His power is mighty to control every big and small thing in our lives. We can trust the One who is always in control of every detail. We can trust the One who works all things for good.

When Mary did encounter Jesus in His resurrected body, she didn’t recognize Him…until He spoke. All it took was Him speaking her name. He was no stranger — He knew her by name! And she recognized the voice of her Good Shepherd. There’s something comforting about having your name spoken gently by a loved one. It makes you stop your frantic worrying to listen. How much more so when it’s the Savior who has conquered sin and death!

I’ve been meditating on this story, and verse 16 in particular, all week. When I start to feel worried, I imagine Jesus saying to me, “Sarah.” Just in His speaking my name, I know I am His. I know He is with me. I am reminded that He is in control of this. I know He can and will take care of me. And in as many moments as He needs to calm me with His voice, I pray that I will gaze into the face of my Shepherd and rest in Him.

Categories: Fear/Anxiety, Spiritual Growth | Leave a comment

The Big Picture

Posted on April 6, 2017 by Sarah

IMG_1827plant“Now we see in a mirror dimly. Then we shall see very clearly. Now my knowledge is incomplete. Then I will have complete knowledge as God has complete knowledge of me.” 1 Corinthians 13:12

Have you noticed that God alone has complete knowledge and control of our lives? Try as we might, we can’t see what’s going to happen until we get there, and we don’t always understand the purpose behind our circumstances. Our Lord knows beginning to end, but our view is limited. Yet it is the Lord’s mercy, for it would be too much for us to handle all at once. Instead, He lovingly provides for us moment by moment. He has special surprises in store for us each day, and His grace is sufficient for any difficulties. But sometimes — maybe months, maybe years later — we reach a moment where He broadens our view to understand what He’s been doing all along… and we stand to admire the beauty of it all.

IMG_1828FullSizeRenderWhen I was single, I longed to get married… but I did not long for all the changes that it would entail. And when God provided my husband Steve, it did set into motion a series of changes. (See https://sarah.4jcg.org/i-will-follow/ for details) At times I have struggled in all the changes — a new house, a new routine, a new job, a new church, new friends — and at other times I have embraced them. When we’re in the moment, sometimes all we see is what’s right in front of us, the small view.

It’s been almost 10 months now since my “new” life has begun, and I’m beginning to see a bigger picture — the plan that God has seen and known all along. There were three important things in my life that, for a while, I tried to cling to. I did not want to leave my church, my job, or my orchestra. At first I wanted to make my new life with Steve fit right in with my old life without him. But it wasn’t working, and God changed my heart to realize that it was time to move on. And now as I look back on those three important things, I can see more clearly God’s hand guiding me to where I am now.

You see in the past 10 months, all three of those things that I wanted to keep the same have changed!

  • Countless people have also moved away from my former church — some to other churches, others to different states — and new people have come. The church is not the same, and had I been there, I would have experienced change.
  • I saw a picture of my former school’s staff the other day and was shocked by how many faces I didn’t recognize — at least half! Several teachers retired, and many moved out of state or to different schools. The school is not the same, and had I been there, I would have experienced change.
  • I’m still on the e-mail list for the orchestra, so I can see the changes that are occurring there. Our conductor retired, so this entire year has been a searching and interviewing year — every concert has been conducted by someone different as they evaluate each one. The orchestra is not the same, and had I been there, I would have experienced change.

Things are always changing; however, I find it interesting that these three areas of my past life are undergoing more intense change than usual. It gives confirmation to the decision I made (to move wholeheartedly into everything new), because I realize that I couldn’t have clung to the familiarity of those things anyway. And it gives me encouragement for the future because I can see God’s purpose in the timing of the events of my life.

When you can only see the small picture, wait and trust. Maybe someday God will bring into view the big picture!

Categories: Direction/Change, Perspective, Spiritual Growth | Leave a comment

Give Thanks

Posted on November 30, 2016 by Sarah

It has been so much fun to decorate my new house. After our wedding, I moved in, unpacked my belongings, and got to work hanging pictures and thoughtfully setting out decorations in each room. As the season of fall approached, I enjoyed putting out colorful leaves, turkeys, pumpkin candles, and reminders to give thanks. This past weekend Steve and I brought all of our boxes of Christmas decorations up from the basement. We set up our Christmas trees, strung glowing ice cycle lights on the roofs outside, and I began replacing some of the fall decorations with Christmas ones. Out with the old; in with the new. I pulled out an empty box and started packing the fall decorations away until next year.

img_0407But when I came to this beautiful sign, I stopped. Give Thanks. We hear that over and over during the month of November. We take on a challenge to be thankful each day of the month. We go around the table at Thanksgiving to share what we are thankful for. But then what? We move on to the busy excitement of Christmas and on into the new year.

As I stood there looking at it, I said to Steve, “I don’t think I can put this sign in the box.” For one thing, I love how it looks right there on the little table at the entryway to our home. But I think more importantly, I want my heart to continue to give thanks, even after the Thanksgiving holiday has passed. And I want people who enter our home to see that reminder as well. Give Thanks.

Right before Thanksgiving our pastor shared that the words praise and thanks actually come from the same word in Hebrew. Therefore, when we give thanks to the Lord, we are also praising Him. Psalm 92:1 declares both thankfulness and praise beautifully, “It is good to give thanks to the Lord, to sing praises to Your name, O Most High.”

Steve and I desire that our commitment to each other would bring praise and honor to God, and it seems that in only five short months, giving thanks has already become a central strand in our marriage. Having waited years to meet each other, Steve and I are both keenly aware of the amazing blessing it is to have each other. We give thanks to the Lord every day for His provision of a companion and for the preciousness of our marriage. This morning as Steve and I prayed together before he left for work, his prayer was almost entirely one of thanksgiving. Yesterday was a bit of a rough day for me, but God is faithful. He got us through it, and standing on the other side, our hearts are thankful. Even when we have pressing needs, it seems that every prayer we pray begins with thanking the Lord for His goodness to us. Big or small, there is always something for which to thank our Lord!

So, even though the leaves have all fallen from the trees outside and the Thanksgiving holiday of 2016 has passed, this sign will remain at the entrance to our home, and Give Thanks will remain at the forefront of our minds. Through every season our hearts will be thankful.

Categories: Spiritual Growth, Thankfulness | Leave a comment

The Lord Has Been GOOD

Posted on November 22, 2016 by Sarah

Psalm 92:1-4

It is good to give thanks to the Lord,
    to sing praises to Your name, O Most High;
 to declare Your steadfast love in the morning,
    and Your faithfulness by night,
 to the music of the lute and the harp,
    to the melody of the lyre.
 For You, O Lord, have made me glad by Your work;
    at the works of Your hands I sing for joy.

As I sit here in our cozy, warm house watching the snowflakes fall lightly out the window, I am thankful. One year ago I would never have imagined myself sitting here, not only in this particular house but with all the blessings that surround my life. God is so good to me, and I am thankful for so many things.

15181180_10101663928905352_4854149004618236475_nEvery day I find I am more and more grateful for God’s blessing and provision of my husband Steve. Growing up with an engineer dad and two engineer brothers I always said I wanted to marry an engineer. But as I waited for God to answer my prayers for a husband, I often wondered what kind of man would be “the right fit” for me. It was an almost instant realization for both of us and our families when Steve and I first started dating. But that initial connection and “perfect fit” only deepens and blossoms over time. We’ve been married for a little over five months, and the past two have been rough at times due to the transition of moving, getting connected with people in our community, and making decisions about my health. But in the midst of the stress and fear and anxiety and difficulty, I’ve had my husband and best friend. He doesn’t always know what to do or say, but he is there. He prays for me and with me, and I couldn’t be more blessed. You don’t always realize how precious a companion is until you have felt the loneliness while waiting years and years without them. There are so many reasons why I love Steve, but one that has stood out to me recently is how attentive he is to details. I share a lot of things with Steve throughout the day, and I know he is really listening because when he goes to the Lord in prayer, his words are a true expression of what’s going on in our lives. He brings God right there into the details of our lives, which returns my focus to the One who controls all things. And when God answers our prayers (which is very often!) Steve always, always remembers to thank Him — even when it’s a “small” thing. It’s been almost a year since Steve first told me that he loved me, and my love for him as my husband grows deeper every day.

houseI am thankful for our home. It has been a blessing to begin fixing it up to make it our own. We are in a wonderful neighborhood with friendly neighbors. We have painted a bit, bought some new furniture, framed a bunch of pictures, and have plenty of room to grow a family someday. It is a special place for us to begin our lives together. It needs a lot of work (but what house doesn’t?!). In fact, we were supposed to get half of our windows replaced today, but it has been delayed due to the snow — and one of our bedroom windows blew in this morning!! But we are thankful for working heat and hot showers. :)

img_0268It’s been a bit of a transition for both cats getting to know each other, but they are making great progress! Toward the beginning we were worried that we’d have to get rid of one of them, but we have not had to lock either of them up for several days now. And they’ve been fine being out together when we’re away from the house and also overnight! They still have a ways to go before they’re buddies… (even as I’m writing this, Toby is bugging Lily and she’s hissing at him…) But I’m thankful that they are getting there!

img_9305It was hard to leave my elementary teaching job in Platteville, but God has provided a job that is perfect for this season of my life. I only work two days a week, have small classes (my largest is 8 students), and I get to teach without the stress that is ever-so-present in a regular education classroom. I’m thankful for an excellent music curriculum that teaches foundational music skills in a fun but meaningful way and also getting to teach violin to enthusiastic students. And I’m enjoying the variety that comes with teaching kindergarten all the way up to 5th grade. Really, I love them all. :)

img_9289I’m grateful that we found a new church so quickly and that I’ve been able to join the worship team. I’ve discovered that it was a lot easier to join a church as a college student when there were ministries that target that age group and LOTS of friends to meet and engage with right away. But as an adult it seems to be a lot harder to make connections. I still don’t feel like I have any close friends here, but at least there are familiar faces, people that recognize me, and the start of friendships. This past Sunday we had a very special service in which people from the congregation got to share with everyone how God has worked in our lives and why we are thankful. I was sitting up there with the worship team and felt led to share how thankful I am for all of those people there on the stage with me. It has been a way for me to use my talents for the Lord while getting to know people in a more personal way than just a hello on a Sunday morning.

family-26-copyAnd where would we be without our families? I have to conclude with the people that are so very dear to us, even though we are scattered across the state, the country, and the globe (thanks to John in Africa;). This morning as we prayed together before Steve left for work, we gave thanks for our families. We have been truly blessed to have such loving and supporting families. When Steve and I married each other, not only did we gain an incredible companion, but a second family. My family has embraced Steve as another engineer, brother, and son joining right in. And Steve’s family loves me like I am their own. This past weekend we got to visit my 97-year-old grandma. We hadn’t seen her for a while, and she didn’t know we were coming. family-27-copyWhen we stepped through the door, her face lit up and she started clapping and said, “I knew someone would come! I’m so glad you came!” :) I’m thankful for time spent with each family member and am looking forward to celebrating birthdays, holidays, and many other moments with these people that are so precious to me.

There is so much more to be thankful for. This year especially, God has blessed me more abundantly than I could have asked for!

Categories: Music, Spiritual Growth, Thankfulness | Leave a comment

Embracing God’s Plans

Posted on August 15, 2016 by Sarah

In just a few short months, my life has undergone extreme change — leaving my job, my orchestra, and my church to start a new life as a married woman in a new house in a new city and new community. Most of the time I’m loving all the newness, but sometimes it can be overwhelming.

On Saturday I auditioned for an orchestra here in the Denver area. The audition was a lot more intimidating than I expected, as I was critiqued and asked to play the excerpts over and over. I felt discouraged off and on the rest of the day. Is my playing below their expectations? Or did they just want to see how teachable I am? Steve stuck by my side all day — he was there when I needed a hug or a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen; he was there to cheer me up and distract me. I’m very thankful for his faithfulness to “bear my burdens” with me (Galatians 6:2).

Up until this point, most things have been going “according to plan” — God provided a new job for me, Steve and I love being together, and settling into the house has been wonderful. The tough audition really shook me though, and it was causing anxiety to set in and start to spread. I felt overwhelmed by change, discouraged about my audition, and afraid of still being “strangers” at church. I wanted to hide at home instead of going to church. Last week we went to Bethel in Greeley, where I attended for the past 12 years, and it wasn’t until we were there in the midst of the congregation, worshiping together, that I realized how much I missed it there. We have enjoyed being at Fellowship Community, but it is still not home yet.

But as I got ready for church, the Lord spoke to my heart and quieted my anxiety. Here I was, expecting things to go exactly as I envisioned, expecting God to replace everything I had to leave behind in the way I thought he should. When things weren’t exactly falling into place that way, I started wishing I could have some of the old things back.  And it was causing anxious feelings because I was placing security and peace on specific things that I wanted.

I’m tempted to turn and cling to the past, but I was reminded that this newness is God’s plan. Everything is going according to God’s plan, as it always does. My peace is not going to come from getting things in life that I think will make me happy. My peace is not going to come from having things “the same” as they used to be. Real peace comes from my Lord. Real peace comes when I embrace His plan, trusting even when it doesn’t seem to be working out the way I thought it would. His plan is what is good. His plan is where I need to be.

I went to church feeling a little lighter and a lot more willing. This, right here at Fellowship Community with Steve, is where God wants me. We were greeted at the door by a man singing good morning to us. :) We were greeted inside the church by smiling faces. Everyone seemed excited to see us, even though we didn’t know them. I thoroughly enjoyed the worship music (especially because we sang a version of “How Firm a Foundation,” which is one of my favorite hymns and the one we had at our wedding). It felt refreshing to be there at church — listening, participating, learning.

After the service, a woman walking past us in the aisle shook our hands and cheerfully asked how we were. Steve thought she must know me, but I don’t remember ever meeting her before. We went to talk to the worship pastor. He was so excited to see me and was talking all about getting me to play with them soon. Another man standing there said, “She plays the violin? Oh, yes, we need a violin for worship!” :) As we stood there talking, I started to feel much better about the audition. Maybe God will have me play with a symphony orchestra again, or maybe He will just have me serve in the church and teach beginning violinists.

The pastor joyfully greeted us by name, and the Awana commander (who we met once about a month ago) recognized us and was excited to see how we are doing. He even remembered that I will be teaching with the Options program and asked if we’ve started yet. Everyone seemed so happy and friendly. Even as we were getting in our car to leave, someone rolled down their window to wave and wish us a good week! It was a warm welcome back and a reminder that God’s plan will be better, even if it’s not exactly how I pictured it.

Categories: Direction/Change, Fear/Anxiety, Music, Peace/Contentment, Perspective, Spiritual Growth | Leave a comment

I Will Follow

Posted on April 21, 2016 by Sarah

Sovereign Lord,

Where You go, I’ll go

Where You stay, I’ll stay

When You move, I’ll move

I will follow You

Five years ago I wanted to leave Greeley, to find a new job somewhere and start new. But God used the lyrics above from one of Chris Tomlin’s songs to show me that sometimes following Him might mean to stay. He still had work for me to do as a single woman in Greeley and a teacher in Platteville. So I stayed. But in January of this year 2016, I heard God clearly say, “Go!” and it will soon be time to leave the life I have poured into for the past 11 1/2 years to follow Him joyfully into a new season.

Before I went on my first date with Steve, I knew 3 things about him: he was an engineer, he lived in Aurora, and he had a cat. Though I was excited to meet him, I had told a close friend, “I’ll never move to Aurora.” As Steve and I began getting to know each other and I started falling in love with him, this became a dilemma for me. “Leaving Greeley would be like ripping my heart out.” This is how I described it last fall. But God works gently in our hearts to soften even the most stubborn parts to conform us to His will.

It was a Thursday morning, January 7th. Steve had not yet proposed, but we knew for sure that we wanted to get married and we knew it would be soon. The night before, we had been discussing possible locations for our future home together. Where could we live so that 1) we could still attend Bethel, 2) I could stay at my job in Platteville, 3) I could continue playing violin with the Longmont Symphony, and 4) Steve would be close enough to his job in Aurora? As we looked at a map and determined driving distances to our four anchor points, I became very frustrated. I could see that there was no perfect solution, that any “in-between” location would require a lot of driving. Driving to get to church, driving to get to work, driving to get to orchestra, driving to get to the store… We would be spread thin. We would be tired. I was frustrated, but I was unwilling to even allow the thought of leaving any one of the things that were most important in my life.

As I arrived at school that morning I began to pray. Without realizing it, my perspective was beginning to change from “What is best for me?” to “What is best for us?” I had messaged a friend about my frustration with the future living situation, and she responded by pointing out that I was trying to keep my life exactly the same except just adding Steve to it. She asked me, “Why aren’t you willing to move?” My first response to this idea was fear. I had not even allowed myself to consider moving because it was something I was determined not to do. I was comfortable here and did not want that to change. But a crack was forming in my resolve. I took a deep breath and asked myself, “What if I moved?” Posing the question as a “what if” made it somehow less threatening. What if I moved to Aurora? What would that look like?

The rest of the day the Lord continued to gently, yet deliberately, soften my heart. To do that, He had to release my hold on 3 areas of my life that I had been trying to control and “protect” from change: 1) the Longmont Symphony, 2) my teaching job at Platteville Elementary, and 3) my community at Bethel Baptist Church.

What if I moved to Aurora? Surely there is another orchestra similar to the Longmont Symphony! I e-mailed my conductor and asked him. By lunch he had responded with two orchestras in the Denver area with a similar playing and performance level as the LSO. One of them was only a 30 minute drive from Steve’s house.

What if I moved to Aurora? After lunch as I was organizing papers in my classroom, God brought to mind something that I had forgotten about: I’ve had a desire to teach at a Christian school at some point. When I was in college, that was my plan. But then I student taught in a rural public school and my heart was tugged to reach out to those kids from nonChristian homes. So I decided that I felt called to start out teaching in a public school, but that I could see myself switching to teach at a Christian school later. What if this is the time for that? I couldn’t believe it, but I actually started feeling excited about change. (As it turns out, God had a different plan for my future, as I will be teaching music and violin classes to homeschool students through the Cherry Creek School District!)

What if I moved to Aurora? I want to move to Aurora! I knew it would be hard to leave Bethel–my church home for the past 11 1/2 years and the place where I have formed countless deep friendships. But I began to realize that my life together with Steve is a new beginning. So my church home can have a new beginning, too. My community and my ministries can have a new beginning. Because I am no longer serving alone; I am going to serve alongside Steve as my husband.

My plan broke to pieces as I embraced God’s better plan for my future. Finally, my heart was at peace. When I thought about the future, I saw Steve and me together. Not spreading ourselves thin half across the state, just free to live wholeheartedly in one place. When Steve called that evening and I shared my decision to move to Aurora with him, he was speechless (but overjoyed!). The night before I had adamantly declared that I would not leave Bethel and my job and my orchestra. And now I want to move to Aurora. I want to move to Aurora. The exact thing I had said I would never do.

Since that day, God has continued to bless this decision. When we shared it with my parents and Steve’s parents, we received full support, encouragement, and prayers for the unknowns and changes. As I drove into Denver in the weeks that followed, I experienced an exhilarated feeling in seeing the buildings of downtown Denver rising up and growing closer as I came near. In my weekend visits to Steve’s house, I have embraced driving to and learning new directions and streets and locations. I have shared in the excitement of preparing Steve’s house to become our house. And I have realized that Aurora, with Steve, is where I feel most at home. I have trusted the Lord and watched as He practically placed a new job in my lap for next year and as He has worked out so many details for our wedding in such specific ways, it is amazing!

When God guides us in a new direction, He never leaves. His guidance continues–gently, lovingly, graciously. But there is also the sorrow of letting go, the grieving of the end of one season before a new one can start. I have come home after wonderful orchestra performances only to break down in tears because I know it is one step closer to the end of my time with the LSO. I have looked out across the congregation at Bethel as I help lead worship and felt sorrow in leaving soon because I can see how deeply connected I have been in ministry and the lives of people in the church. The morning I told my principal about the move, I took one step into the school building and collapsed tear-filled into a coworkers arms because it’s hard to say goodbye. And I cried as I wrote my resignation letter, remembering all the memories and growth I’ve had as a teacher at Platteville Elementary.

In some moments I mourn the end of this season, but in many more moments I rejoice with anticipation for what’s to come. In all of these things, I am sure of this: that God is always good and that He is now leading me to share life in marriage with Steve…in Aurora. And I will follow.13926015_10101527202630902_2692691277320136573_o

Categories: Direction/Change, Music, Spiritual Growth, Surrender/Repentance | 1 Comment

Waiting for God’s Provision

Posted on February 3, 2016 by Sarah

For years we had been waiting and praying. It seemed as if maybe God’s plan was for us to live lives of singleness for His glory. However, on September 25, 2015, Chris and Lyssa Jones organized a double date to introduce me to a man named Steve Turner. “You two just need to meet!” was what they said. Steve and I first shook hands in the middle of Dickey’s BBQ in Greeley where we ate dinner with Chris and Lyssa before heading back to their house to play games and relax outside by a fire in the fire pit. We spent five hours together that night. We both immediately felt comfortable around each other and enjoyed being together.

Steve came to see me play violin in the Longmont Symphony the very next weekend — and ended up meeting my parents! Week after week Steve continued to pursue me, and we continued getting together on dates — a day trip to Estes Park, dinner and a live improv comedy, a romantic evening at a French bistro… It was not only an instant connection with each other, but also when we met each other’s families. Everyone seemed to see that we were perfect for each other. We are alike in so many ways, yet different so that we complement one another.

Toward the beginning of November, Steve shared with me that he cared very much about me and could see us ending up together…as husband and wife. Amazingly, just days before I had realized that I could not imagine a future without Steve. So we continued to spend time together, sharing life together. We have enjoyed every stage of our relationship getting to know each other, and by God’s grace, we have grown very close.

On January 16, Chris and Lyssa had us over to their house for another double date…or so I thought. When we arrived, the hallway was lined with candles, roses, and glowing lights. Steve led me on a path of red rose petals through the house and outside where the rose petals were sprinkled across the snow leading to two chairs in front of a fire in the fire pit. Just like the night we first met. Steve expressed his deep love and commitment to me. He knelt down in the snow and asked me to spend the rest of my life with him. Without hesitation I answered, “Yes!” as Steve placed a beautiful diamond ring on my finger.

We have waited for God’s provision, and He has answered abundantly beyond what we could imagine! It has been an exciting year, and we so very gratefully look forward to the Lord’s faithful blessings for our future!IMG_4832

Categories: Just Life, Singleness, Spiritual Growth, Thankfulness | 2 Comments