Serving the Lord in Singleness – Chapter 4

Posted on February 22, 2015 by Sarah

Use Your Energy to Serve the Lord

Another Sunday, and I came home from church feeling empty. I had begun to notice a pattern that was confusing to me. After times of fellowship with the body of Christ was when I felt the most dissatisfied. I felt disappointed that others had not served me, encouraged me, loved me the way I felt they should have. Even when I tried to serve expecting nothing in return, I still ended up feeling the same way.

One Saturday in early January 2014, I volunteered to help tear down the Christmas decorations at the church. I have to admit, my motives were selfish yet again. Even though I was serving, I wanted others to serve me. I at least wanted some fellowship. But no one seemed to really notice I was there. I worked in the foyer for a while, rolling up ribbons of all different colors, alone. Eventually, a seven-year-old girl became my shadow, which was at first somewhat of an annoyance to me. I wanted adult conversation, attention and encouragement from someone who could ask me about how I’m really doing. For the rest of the morning, this girl followed me everywhere: up and down the stairs, through the sanctuary, through the hallways. She was my own personal helper. Yet I still left the church that day feeling empty and disappointed because I had not been served in the way that I had wanted.

That night, feeling quite discontent, I sat down and tried to think of something from the day for which I was thankful. My mind was blank. All I could think about was my disappointment and loneliness. Why is it that the church never serves me? But then my thinking took on a different perspective. What about that little seven-year-old girl who so dutifully followed me around all morning? It seemed as if she didn’t have any expectations that might get crushed. She was simply living in the moment, helping where help was needed. It didn’t seem to matter to her who she was serving with, simply that she was serving. That is what I want my service to look like: the heart of a child.

It was with this mindset that I discovered Romans 12 with new eyes. In the God’s Word translation, the second half of verse 11 reads, “Use your energy to serve the Lord.” This verse jumped out at me and convicted my heart. How have I been using my energy? To serve myself. But I don’t want to serve myself. For one thing, it only leads to disappointment and dissatisfaction. No, I want to use the energy the Lord has so generously given me to serve Him (which, practically, looks like me using my gifts to serve others). I want to go to church free of my desire to control my interactions to get what I think will satisfy me. I want to have eyes that see whom it is that I should serve instead of determining how I can best serve myself. I want to be carefree like a child in serving where I see a need.

Verses 6-8 of Romans 12 expand the idea of using your gifts to serve the Lord by serving others:

God in His kindness gave each of us different gifts…

If your gift is serving, then devote yourself to serving.

If it is teaching, devote yourself to teaching.

If it is encouraging others, devote yourself to giving encouragement.

If it is sharing, be generous.

If it is leadership, lead enthusiastically.

If it is helping people in need, help them cheerfully.

I especially love how this translation uses the words devote yourself. To me, this implies wholehearted living for the Lord, who has sacrificed Himself for me in love. It means taking the specific gifts God has given me and carefully filling the time (which He has also given me) with selfless service.

What are my gifts? Among others, God has given me the gift of singleness right now. And how better to use the energy He has given me as a single woman than to devote myself to serving others?

Since my biggest challenge in serving was Sunday mornings when I expected others to serve me, I decided to prayerfully reread Romans 12 every morning before church. I prayed that the Lord would keep me from serving myself – and help me instead to have my eyes open to how I may serve those around me. I prayed that He would help me to surrender the desire to control my interactions – and instead help me to look for the people that He placed in my path. I prayed that I would seek ways to intentionally encourage and care for those in the body of Christ.

And something amazing happened: God answered my prayers. God has given me opportunities in relationships that I couldn’t have imagined. I have been surprised in meeting so many new people and in connecting with those I would not have otherwise. Slowly, the emptiness I used to feel in leaving church was transformed into fullness of joy. Week after week, I now see how blessed I am. And all because of a heart that is willing to serve the Lord.

It wasn’t (and still isn’t) easy to resist the urge to serve myself. But through ongoing prayer and constant reminders to “use my energy to serve the Lord,” God is changing the desires of my heart. I have new motivation and perspective. What if the purpose of every circumstance in my life is to glorify God? That all things are carefully chosen by the Sovereign Lord for my good? (Romans 8:28-29) Then my response should be to willingly serve Him – for that will bring me the most satisfaction and that will bring Him the most glory.

Categories: Peace/Contentment, Perspective, Singleness | Leave a comment

Serving the Lord in Singleness – Chapter 3

Posted on February 21, 2015 by Sarah

An Attitude of Selflessness

Singleness could be for a short season, or it could be for a lifetime. I have wrestled with many questions as I have seen friend after friend get married while I still wait, as I have noticed loving relationships in my own family and in the families at my church.

And sometimes I wonder: If I do marry someday, will it be “worth it” since I had to wait longer? Will I look back on my years of singleness and see that God was using them to prepare me for the challenges of marriage? Will I understand why God has made me wait longer than most of my friends? If I never marry, what will happen to me as I grow older? Who will care for me? Am I missing out on joy because I will never have my own children and grandchildren? Will I have a heritage at all?

Though I have not received specific answers to these questions, God is stretching me to see my life in light of His greater plan. My life alone is not the center of His purpose. Carolyn McCulley addresses a single woman’s “daydreaming” mindset in her book Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye?

I’ve often daydreamed about the testimony I hope to have on my wedding day. I want to stand up and say that the long wait for my husband was worth it. I want to say that the Lord is fully trustworthy. I want to give Him all the glory should He give me the gift of marriage. It’s as though I’ve been running a grueling race and having flopped over the “finish line” of marriage, I can stand in the winner’s circle with an inspiring story about the reasons for the delay.

Those aren’t necessarily bad dreams. But they are puny. They start and stop with my individual blessing. I’m rarely daydreaming about how God may be using my life (single or married) to accomplish a grander purpose for numerous people. This finite creature has finite plans. But our infinite God has infinite plans to accomplish His purpose of redemption in our generation and beyond.

Upon reading this, I was struck with conviction. How self-focused to think that my singleness is all about ME. That God’s purpose in my singleness is for my benefit alone. Before I read the above section, that is what I thought. Surely God must have a purpose in this…(for me). There is no doubt that God does have blessings for me in singleness, but He is also working a greater plan: One that goes beyond me. One that, through me, influences all the people I interact with on a daily basis. One that stretches past my own power and comprehension. One with an ultimate purpose of God’s glory. And through God’s greater plan, I am blessed!

God’s blessings in and through Naomi’s life in book of Ruth has given me more insight into this perspective. In Ruth chapter 1 we meet Naomi, a woman who had to leave her homeland because of a famine and who then lost her husband and both sons in death. Her sons had married Moabite women, neither of whom had borne any children. Naomi saw no future for herself as a widow and had no future to offer to her daughters-in-law. She was hopeless and bitter. It seemed as though her life held no purpose and no more blessings.

So Naomi told her daughters-in-law to return to their own families. “Turn back, my daughters; why will you go with me? Have I yet sons in my womb that they may become your husbands? Turn back, my daughters; go your way for I am too old to have a husband. If I should say I have hope even if I should have a husband this night and should bear sons, would you therefore wait till they were grown? Would you therefore refrain from marrying? No, my daughters, for it is exceedingly bitter to me for your sake that the hand of the Lord has gone out against me” (Ruth 1:11-13).

In God’s good and sovereign providence, Ruth stayed with Naomi despite the situation. But Naomi continued to see her life through this perspective. Though she believed that the Lord was sovereign in her life, she believed only in what she could see. Since she saw no further blessings, she was without hope. “Do not call me Naomi (pleasant); call me Mara (bitter), for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me. I went away full, and the Lord has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi, when the Lord has testified against me and the Almighty has brought calamity upon me?” (Ruth 1:20-21).

But God was still working, and it was more than what Naomi could ever have imagined. At the end of Ruth chapter 4, Ruth married Boaz and they had a child named Obed. God turned Naomi’s hopeless emptiness into a wonderful blessing. “Then the women said to Naomi, ‘Blessed be the Lord, who has not left you this day without a redeemer, and may his name be renowned in Israel! He shall be to you a restorer of life, and a nourisher of your old age, for your daughter-in-law who loves you, who is more to you than seven sons, has given birth to him’” (Ruth 4:14-15).

Carolyn McCulley comments on the deeper conclusion of this story:

I trust that Naomi joined the voices of these women when they praised the Lord for the reversal of her financial and relational losses. God had kindly provided for these two destitute widows against tremendous odds. That was noteworthy enough, but these women could not have known the bigger picture. This child was Obed, who became the grandfather of King David and an ancestor of Jesus. Both Boaz and Ruth are listed in the opening genealogy of Jesus in the Gospel of Matthew—a fulfillment of their words about Boaz, “may his name be renowned in Israel!”

Naomi and Ruth undoubtedly were encouraged by what the Lord did for them in their lifetimes, but I suspect they would have been shocked to know how God worked through them to bring about His glorious plan of redemption and salvation.

…God is still working—let’s never forget that. What we can see of our circumstances is not all that is there. Whether we are single or married, God is working to glorify Himself through those circumstances, and only He knows the best way to accomplish His plans. At any given time, we can’t see the grand panorama of His grace. But, secure in the reality of it, we can rest in the promise that still echoes across time: “My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose … I have spoken and I will bring it to pass; I have purposed, and I will do it” (Isaiah 46:10-11).

I still remember the day I read the story of Ruth with this perspective and contemplated McCulley’s words. It was a summer afternoon, and I was feeling lonely, sitting on the couch in my bedroom next to the window. It was that day that my perspective on my singleness changed. What is the bigger picture? How is God working for others through my singleness? Suddenly I began to see how my life could bless others because of my singleness: in my teaching, in my relationships, in my church. Instead of asking how God is going to work for my individual benefit, what if I begin to ask Him to reveal how He is working through me for the benefit of others and for His ultimate glory? The Lord had begun to transform my heart into an attitude of selflessness and service.

Categories: Perspective, Singleness | Leave a comment

Serving the Lord in Singleness – Chapter 2

Posted on February 16, 2015 by Sarah

Contentment: No Lack in God’s Provision

There will always be something that makes you unhappy. There will always be that feeling of wanting more. If you don’t learn to be content in your present circumstances, you will never be content.

Psalm 84:11 says, “For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.” No good thing does He withhold. Really? But what about the fact that I am lonely, Lord? What about the fact that I am still single while my friends all have their special someone? What about the fact that I have to make important life decisions on my own? No good thing does He withhold.

One of my greatest seasons of discontentment came when I had to go through the process of finding and purchasing my own home. Up until this point, my dad had pretty much filled the role that a husband would have in my life. He helped me with maintenance work, money issues, and important decisions. But in the process of buying my condo, it felt like I was alone.

I cannot tell you how many times I cried in anger as I struggled with decisions. If I had a husband, he would help me make these decisions. I prayed to the Lord with accusations: Why haven’t you provided a husband for me? Why do I have to do this alone? My heart was bitter when I shared some of the difficulties in the house-buying process with married friends, who admitted that their husbands had made “those decisions” and they knew nothing about that part of the process. I wish I didn’t know. I don’t want this responsibility. I want a husband.

You don’t really need a husband in order to buy a house. But ever since I was young, I understood that the “normal” way of life was to graduate college, get married, and buy a house – together. My life was not turning out the way it was “supposed to.” But God knew what He was doing. Though my heart was hardened, He was caring for me. Though I was angry and bitter, He was working for my good.

“The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want” are the opening words of Psalm 23. Who is this Lord? Can I really trust Him to be my Caregiver, my Comforter, my Provider? How can it be true that “I shall not want” when I see emptiness in my life because I am lacking a husband? These questions reveal, first of all, that I do not have a good understanding of God’s character. My view of Him is too small, which causes me to doubt His control of my life. And secondly, they expose my selfishness in wanting what I think I need in life.

This God—my God—has loved me with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3). While I was still deep in my sins, He demonstrated His unconditional love toward me by sacrificing His Son on the cross in order to deliver me (Romans 5:8). Because of Christ, God is for me, and nothing can be against me (Romans 8:31). If God did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for me—how will He not also graciously give me all things? (Romans 8:32)

In light of who God is and what He has done for me already, my selfish desires become small and insignificant. The greatest problem that could ever exist is separation from the Almighty God because of sin. And that problem has already been solved in the work of Christ on the cross! If God will do that for me, how will He not also graciously give me all things that I need?

In his book A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23, Phillip Keller describes the joy that overflows out of a heart that does not doubt but instead confidently declares, “The Lord is my Shepherd!”

To think that God in Christ is deeply concerned about me as a particular person immediately gives great purpose and enormous meaning to my short sojourn upon this planet. And the greater, the wider, the more majestic my concept is of the Christ—the more vital will be my relationship to Him. Obviously, David, in this Psalm, is speaking not as the shepherd, though he was one, but as a sheep; one of the flock. He spoke with a strong sense of pride and devotion and admiration. It was as though he literally boasted aloud, “Look at who my shepherd is—my owner—my manager!” The Lord is! …Who better could care for me?

When there is discontentment in being single, the root cause is a heart issue of distrust in the Lord’s provision. Who is your Lord, your Shepherd, your Provider? Do you not trust Him completely to provide what is best for you? The promises of Scripture are clear that our Father cares deeply about His children and that He is faithful to provide.

While struggling through the house-buying process, I came to depend on the truths of Psalm 62. “Only in God is my soul at rest.” Only in God – not in a husband. Even though I struggled constantly, I began to see God’s hand clearly guiding me. And I began to trust Him. As it turned out, I didn’t make the decision on my own. God was right there with me, showing me where to go and what to do. I made my house offers in faith, trusting that God would only allow me to have the home that was best. And He provided in a miraculous way.

I ended up getting my condo for $100 less than what I offered because of the timing of communication between the realtors (which I know was actually God’s sovereign hand). And after the inspection, the inspector was dumbfounded as he told me that there was nothing at all in the condo that needed to be fixed. I was proven wrong in thinking that I needed a husband. I had forgotten that it is actually the Lord who is my Provider.

My pastor recently encouraged me by saying, “Sometimes God doesn’t give us what we most want because He knows best what we most need.” So it is not a matter of whether the object of my desires is good (because a husband and family are not bad things to desire); but the heart issue is a matter of relationship and faith: Do I trust the Lord, in His surpassing wisdom and goodness, to give me what I truly need? Because “my God will supply every need of yours according to His riches in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:19)

So here’s the truth: There is no lack in being single.

In comparison to someone who is married, a single person does not receive any less mercy, grace, love, care, provision, blessings…the list could go on. And, yes, God did create marriage as a good thing for His people. And He created us as humans to desire, want, and even need a spouse. So there is a sense in which there is “emptiness” without a husband. But the All-Sufficient One fills the places of my life that are insufficient. He is the One who “fills all in all.” (Ephesians 1:23) Therefore, whatever areas of life God has “left empty,” He will fill with Himself.

Categories: Peace/Contentment, Singleness | Leave a comment

Serving the Lord in Singleness – Chapter 1

Posted on February 14, 2015 by Sarah

My Identity: The Bride of Christ

It was Saturday, April 27, 2013, and two more of my friends were getting married. Yet here I was, 27 years old and still single. The night before the weddings, I cried myself to sleep because of the loneliness in my heart. I am Alone. Forsaken. Abandoned. Even though I knew it wasn’t true, the words flooded into my heart and broke it.

The next morning I was ready to go to the weddings with bitterness in my heart. I saw no other way than letting the day be an ongoing reminder of my singleness. When I have attended weddings in the past, it’s true that I enjoyed dressing up to celebrate the momentous day for whatever friends were getting married. But in the back of my mind, I was always hoping that someone would notice me. Maybe if I looked pretty enough, I would stand out enough to be loved. This particular morning, however, I had no motivation even to care about what I looked like. I am Alone. Forsaken. Abandoned.

In discouragement I sat down to meditate on the character of God, which was my Bible reading focus at that time. Though it seemed meaningless, I told myself that the Lord is my Husband – my Protector and Provider, my constant Companion. Gradually, my eyes and heart were opened to joy as I discovered precious treasures in the 62nd chapter of Isaiah.

1 For Zion’s sake I will not keep silent, and for Jerusalem’s sake I will not be quiet,

until her righteousness goes forth as brightness, and her salvation as a burning torch.
2 The nations shall see your righteousness, and all the kings your glory,
and you shall be called by a new name that the mouth of the Lord will give.
3 You shall be a crown of beauty in the hand of the Lord,
and a royal diadem in the hand of your God.
4 You shall no more be termed Forsaken,
and your land shall no more be termed Desolate,
but you shall be called My Delight Is in Her, and your land Married;
for the Lord delights in you, and your land shall be married.
5 For as a young man marries a young woman, so shall your sons marry you,
and as the bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so shall your God rejoice over you.

Forsaken. The same word I had used to describe myself. The truth of the words sank in. I am no longer Forsaken. The Lord has given me a new name. As I read and reread the words, a picture began to form in my mind. I was not a lonely, forsaken girl on the sidelines of the wedding. I was the bride – the precious bride of Christ – walking down the aisle to Him! I am a crown of beauty, a royal diadem in His hand. Anxious, fearful, sinful ME. He has made me beautiful.

The end of verse 5 wrapped my heart in joy. “As the bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so shall your God rejoice over you.” I suddenly became excited to dress up, but not because I was hoping for a person to notice me. Now, I wanted to dress up because of who I already am – the bride of Christ. I was filled with joy because the Lord takes joy in me. It turned out to be a blessing seeing two physical examples of this that day – to see how both grooms looked at their brides on their wedding day – and knowing that MY Bridegroom rejoices over ME!

At the weddings I was able to talk with many friends who are struggling with contentment. One married friend even told me that she is lonely, which surprised me. I realized something so very important in hearing that: I have been believing Satan’s lie that the thing I don’t have (a husband) is what will satisfy me. I realized that Satan is telling others that same lie about their situation. I realized that God is who I’m really desiring and the only One who can truly satisfy me. I have been placing the idea of a husband on the throne of my heart, feeling pitiful for myself because of what I am “lacking” in not being married.

But something changed in my heart that day. The next morning at church I was bursting at the seams – in fellowship, in study, in worship, in teaching children’s church… It didn’t seem to matter what I was doing – I had JOY inside. As I sat in Sunday school, I started to notice that I was surrounded by married couples. I was at first tempted to turn my eyes toward myself again. My automatic response was to disconnect myself from the body of Christ because I am not married. But I reminded myself that this is what God wants for me right now, and then I started to see the situation differently. I am a sinner, who is saved, sanctified, and blessed to minister in the body of Christ – the people around me are sinners, who are saved, sanctified, and blessed to minister in the body of Christ. It didn’t matter anymore that they are married and I am not – we are the same in the body of Christ. I felt so full inside.

I am now 29 years old, and I consider my singleness to be one of the greatest gifts God has given me. This is not how I would have planned my life. But God’s sovereign plans are so much better than my own. Yes, it is still sometimes hard to see most of my friends married and having kids, and I don’t know what the future hold in this area of my life… but I can embrace the goodness of God today. I am loved more deeply than I could ever imagine, my Heavenly Father provides for my every need, and He is using me for His glory in more ways that I could have imagined.

Categories: Singleness | Leave a comment

Thankful for the Hard Things

Posted on February 12, 2015 by Sarah

Today’s Joy Dare: 3 hard eucharisteo

“Everything is eucharisteo. Because eucharisteo is how Jesus, at the Last Supper, showed us to transfigure all things – take the pain that is given, give thanks for it, and transform it into a joy that fulfills all emptiness. This, is the hard eucharisteo. Lean into the ugly and whisper thanks to transfigure it into beauty.” {From One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp}

I struggle with anxiety, which is ultimately a heart issue. I doubt the Lord’s goodness and provision. I want to be in control. I don’t trust His sovereign control. I want to be in control. My anxiety become more prominent two years ago when I had a panic attack. Since then, God has worked tremendous healing in my heart. He has taken away an addictive sin I have struggled with and has replaced it with love and devotion to Him. His Holy Spirit has taught me how to read Scripture as truth and has opened my eyes to the treasures found there. He has used the power of His living and active Word to change my perspective on many aspects of my life and has brought me contentment and joy.

Yet the struggle with anxiety remains.

Why, Lord, have You not taken away this struggle? I don’t want to be this way. Lately the anxiety has not been as frequent, but on the worst days I end up feeling discouraged. Why did I start to panic? Why did I let it get so bad that I felt sick? Why can’t I just trust the Lord? I understand where my anxiety comes from, but I can’t seem to stop it sometimes. I hate it… and yet I am starting to see how the gospel is becoming more and more precious to me because of my struggle with sin. For that I am thankful.

IMG_0897

“There is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free from the law of sin and death.” (Romans 8:1-2)

How great is the mercy and grace of God that He welcomes me with open arms when I run to Him in repentance! I don’t have to feel shame in failure because Christ’s sacrifice covers all my attempts to be perfect. In Christ I am set free from the punishment of my sin (death). I don’t have to earn favor with God because Christ’s righteousness covers me completely.

Should I not then be thankful for this struggle, if that is what will point me to humbly depend on the cross of Christ?

Categories: Fear/Anxiety, Humility, Joy Dare | 1 Comment

A Gift that Might Never Have Been

Posted on January 19, 2015 by Sarah

Today’s Joy Dare is to find gifts that might never have been.

After pondering this, I’ve realized that the greatest gift I have today is my spiritual growth through singleness. Here I am, almost 29 years old and still single–not how I would have planned out my life. But when I look at what God has done in and through me because of my singleness, I see that He has a plan that is better than mine.

Yes, it is still sometimes hard to see most of my friends married and having kids, and I don’t know what the future holds in this area of my life… but I can embrace the goodness of God today.

  • I am loved more deeply that I could ever imagine as 1 John 3:1 says, “See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!”
  • The Lord values and delights in me! “You shall be called by a new name that the mouth of the Lord will give. You shall be a crown of beauty in the hand of the Lord, and a royal diadem in the hand of your God. You shall no more be termed ‘Forsaken’… but you shall be called ‘My Delight Is In Her’… for the Lord delights in you!” (Isaiah 62:2-4)
  • There is no lack in being single. Psalm 84:11 gives this promise: “For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.”
Categories: Joy Dare, Singleness, Spiritual Growth | Leave a comment

Joy Dare: January 14th

Posted on January 14, 2015 by Sarah

Today’s Joy Dare: Find 3 startling graces of God and give thanks for them

1. It was a tough day at school. My most difficult students were being most difficult. It seemed like most of my students were pushing the limits today: talking when they shouldn’t have been, messing around when they thought I wouldn’t notice, getting a bad attitude when asked to do something, distracted when I was trying to teach them. But when I think back on the day, I realize that I am just like them sometimes. I am easily distracted during my time spent with the Lord, I get a bad attitude when He tries to teach me things I don’t want to learn, and I try to get my own way more often than I would like to admit. Yet His love for me never changes. How amazing it is that the God of the universe loves me, a self-centered sinner. Yet He does. That is a startling grace of God.

2. I finally got to pick up my car today. IMG_0581As soon as we pulled up to the auto body shop, I could see it sitting there in the still snow-covered lot, sparkling like brand new. It made me happy to see my car again. After paying for the cost of repairs (nearly $3,000–praise the Lord for insurance that will cover most of it!), I walked out to drive my car home. When I opened the door, I was stunned. They had vacuumed every inch of the inside of my car! Maybe car repair shops typically give their cars a cleaning on the outside and the inside, but I was pleasantly surprised. :)

3. It felt weird to drive my car again. It brought back some memories of the accident as I sat there in the driver’s seat heading home. When I got home, for some reason I just felt really emotional. Maybe it was exhaustion setting in from the rough day at school or another step toward healing from the accident. Either way, I was surprised that my cat Lily picked up on my mood right away. She always seems to know when I’m feeling a bit down. She meowed softly and rubbed up against me. When I picked her up, she nestled down against me, all warm and soft, purring away happily. And she was content to just stay there with my arms wrapped around her in a comforting hug. She licked my face gently. How precious that God created such sensitivity in animals, bringing a small tidbit of His peace to us when we need it!

Categories: Joy Dare, Teaching | Leave a comment