Header Picture

I was pleasantly surprised to discover that my blog has been updated…somehow without my doing anything! I like the new version because you can choose a picture to put as a header.

I chose this picture for several reasons:
1) The picture is of a sunrise on my way to school last year (notice the farmland and equipment). :) My blog tracks my journey and so does the drive I take every day to and from school.
2) The sunrise symbolizes the many sunrises and sunsets we experience in our lives – not only physical sunrises and sunsets, but many changes of seasons in our lives.

Psalm 113:3 says, “From the rising of the sun to its setting, the name of the LORD is to be praised.” This is a reminder to me to praise Him in the sunrises AND the sunsets of life because each is beautifully created by God.

Categories: Just Life | 1 Comment

Pride vs. Low Self-esteem

Pride and low self-esteem seem to be opposites. Strangely, I’m experiencing both at the same time. The Lord has graciously gifted me in music. People are amazed at how quickly I can transpose in my head (and how much I enjoy it!). Learning new instruments or musical concepts comes quickly to me. Sometimes I am tempted to be prideful in my abilities. However, I also often feel that I’m “not good enough.”

I am auditioning for orchestra in a month and have begun to notice a fear in myself: the fear of failure. What if I don’t make it? But a fear of anything that is not the Lord is an unhealthy fear, for He is the One who guides us in what is BEST. When I first graduated high school, I wanted to be a music teacher. I practiced and auditioned for the school of music at UNC but was not accepted. It was a hard reality for me to face. I wasn’t “good enough” to be a music major. But these “failures” are always part of God’s perfect will. Though I still have a strong passion for music, the Lord wanted me to be an elementary teacher, and He has abundantly blessed me HERE where He has placed me.

It’s not about ME and being “good enough” or not being “good enough.” It’s about the Lord and how I fit into HIS plan. When I am tempted to be prideful, I have to remember that because He has gifted me, He will also guide every detail in using my gifts.

Categories: Humility, Spiritual Growth | Leave a comment

Gospel Day

“Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” ~Matthew 18:3

Oh how encouraging it is to hear deep truths spoken and understood by young children! Today was gospel day at VBS, and I was richly rewarded by my preschool group.

During the lesson time, we circled up to talk about bad things we have done (sin). I had a marker to draw a frowny face on each child’s hand after he or she shared their sin with the group. Immediately, Andrew looked horrified. “I don’t want that on my hand!” he exclaimed. Taking the opportunity, I explained that the frowny face represents our sin. None of us wants to see our sin, but there’s nothing we can do about it. So we went around the circle. Joshua’s face was somber. He didn’t speak a word when I asked him what bad thing he has done; he simply moved his hands as if he were pushing someone, and that was his sin. After each child shared, we talked about how Jesus died on the cross and takes away all of our sins when we believe in Him! One by one I cleaned off their frowny faces with a wet wipe to show how Jesus makes us clean. Then we celebrated new life by eating strawberries cut in half to look like a heart. :)

Later on we were talking about our Bible verse and what it means to have everlasting life: “Lead me along the path of everlasting life!” (Psalm 139:24) My kids’ attention was starting to fade, but I got them to do the motions with me. As we opened up our arms wider and wider, I told them that everlasting means forever and ever – never stopping. Suzanne then had all the kids come over to a plastic swimming pool on the side of the room. She held up a pitcher of water and said, “This is like your life.” As she poured it out, she described things you do in your lifetime. “But then what happened?” she asked when the water was gone. “It runs out!” Samuel shouted out. “Just like the pitcher of water runs out, our lives do not last forever…but with Jesus we can have everlasting life!” She turned on a fountain in the middle of the pool that kept running and running. During craft time, we made cards to send to missionary kids across the world. Joshua took a blue crayon and scribbled all down the middle. Then he turned to me and said, “It’s a fountain!” I talked to him about Jesus being the Fountain of Life and wrote a little description in his card. :)

The preschool game today involved a beach ball, shaving cream, and water (and a water fight afterwards!). We leaders took a clean beach ball and covered it with icky shaving cream to represent our sins. Each child was given a water bottle to spray the beach ball and make it clean – like Jesus takes our sins away and makes us clean.

There was a skit at the end of the day that my kids loved. Ben (the leader) tied a ribbon to a post at the back of the sanctuary and stretched it out past the stage at the front and through a door outside. He told us that everlasting life goes on and on forever past what we can see. He chose a small girl, a teenager, and an adult to stand at points along the ribbon – this represents our life. Then he cut the ribbon and explained that we all die and we can’t reach everlasting life. BUT he tied the ribbon around a big wooden cross on the stage and connected it to the part that went on and on – showing that when we believe in Jesus we can have everlasting life. Samuel turned to me and asked, “Is someone going to die on the cross?” I said, “No, Jesus already did!” Joshua, who had been listening in, motioned with his hands from his head to his feet and added, “To wash us and make us clean!”

Categories: Perspective, Spiritual Growth, Teaching | Leave a comment

The LORD will provide.

I am not the kind of person who embraces change. If only my schedule would remain consistent, if only my friends would stay close by and remain constant, if only I knew how to handle the next big part of life, I would be content…or would I? Consistency in my lifestyle or my friendships is not the answer.

The LORD will provide.

Every season is going to be different – but the LORD remains the same. I try so hard, but I cannot wrap my mind around the ways of the LORD. He chooses new people, new circumstances, and new situations to teach me and shape me in each season of my life. I struggle to allow Him to use whatever or whomever in my life. Sometimes I wish it were easier to let go of my own ideas and simply, wholeheartedly trust that

The LORD will provide.

The LORD has always provided – though often not in the way I had imagined. Yet I still doubt Him. I fear that because things are changing with the new school year approaching, I will be left alone, without a community. What causes this fear? Last year I lived alone – and the LORD was always faithful to provide beyond my every need. He placed me in a women’s Bible study that blessed my heart each week. THE VERY DAY after that Bible study ended, I was personally invited to a new Bible study, in which He has blessed me this summer. With the school year approaching, my schedule is about to change again, and I am fearful. But –

The LORD will provide.

I am auditioning for the Longmont Symphony Orchestra at the end of August. Being my 2nd year of teaching 5th grade, I feel that I can handle more outside of school, and I really miss playing violin with an orchestra. They only practice once a week – but that one day a week is the same night of Bible study. There are other Bible studies that I’m sure are wonderful, but it’s hard to think about switching. For there, I am developing new friendships. I am able to fellowship with men and women. I am able to be blessed by little children. Why does the LORD ask us to give up things that are so precious? Elisabeth Elliot says, “God never denies us our heart’s desire except to give us something better.”

I have to trust that the LORD in His steadfast faithfulness will continue to provide for my every need in the next season.

“My God in His steadfast love will meet me.” Psalm 59:10

Categories: Direction/Change, Spiritual Growth | Leave a comment

Psalm 119

“I have hidden Your word in my heart that I might not sin against You.” ~Psalm 119:11

This verse is written on a rectangular piece of yellow construction paper that I use to mark the place of whatever Scripture I am memorizing at the time. My lifelong goal is to memorize the entire book of Psalms (I know I’m crazy), and I recently decided to tackle Psalm 119 this summer…the very Psalm from which my “bookmark verse” comes.

With this crazy goal of mine, sometimes I wonder if it is even possible. I fear that with each Psalm I memorize, I will lose one that I have already memorized. Memorization is more that something you can just mark off a list and be done with. Really, it is more than memorization – it is meditation and reflection.

Though verse 11 talks about “hiding” or “storing up” God’s word in our hearts, verse 15 of Psalm 119 says, “I will meditate on Your precepts and fix my eyes on Your ways.” This afternoon as I thought about what this verse really means, I realized that what I’m doing is much more than just rote memorization. Having such an extravagant goal as memorizing an entire book of Scripture sometimes leads to viewing this as a task I want to accomplish just to say I’ve done it. Someday I do hope to be able to “quote the Psalms”…but it is more than that. It’s about the journey – about saturating my life with the truth of the Lord, that it may be reflected in the way I speak, act, and live. It’s about knowing the Lord so well that I begin to look like Him.

“Oh, that my ways may be steadfast in keeping Your statutes! Then I shall not be put to shame, having my eyes fixed on all Your commandments.” (vs. 5-6) “With my lips I declare all the rules of Your mouth.” (vs. 13)

Categories: Perspective, Spiritual Growth | Leave a comment

Edelweiss

It’s amazing how much a small act of kindness speaks. Edelweiss is a soft white flower that grows on barren mountain heights. Amy Carmichael compares this flower to the little things of joy that can always be found in the painful and frustrating experiences of life – but we have to keep our eyes open so we won’t miss them. Today has been a day of frustration after frustration, and finally it built to a point where I felt like exploding.

Tomorrow is closing for the townhome, and the girl buying it has been extremely picky. We spent all weekend cleaning it to make it nice for her, yet she still has to complain that we didn’t self-clean the oven. So I drove over there today only to find that her realtor had gone ahead and self-cleaned the oven – even though they complained to us and told us to do it. We left a large pile of trash in the garage with a sign that said “TRASH – trash day is Thursday” and she complained that we hadn’t taken it out, requesting that we do so before she moves in. Becca and I have been planning all along to stop by there tonight to set it out – it’s not like we could have left it sitting on the curb ALL WEEK.

The lightbulbs Becca had bought yesterday to replace the TWO burned out lights in our apartment were corroded and broken in the package. I returned them today to have the girl tell me that there was a 15% charge for “shipping and handling” of the BROKEN lightbulbs – but she was wrong and because she felt bad, took a discount off the new lightbulbs for me.

The filter AND belt for our vacuum need to be replaced, but I couldn’t find the right model kind at the store.

I stopped by the gas station to get gas in my car only to discover that Becca still had my Safeway card…so I didn’t get gas yet because I really want the discount.

I returned home and put in one of the new lightbulbs above the kitchen table…and it still didn’t work. However, the lightbulb is fine because I tried it in another fixture and it worked there. So…I headed over to the office with a maintenance request for my good friends, Tim and Eugene. All this un-fixed, un-settled stuff makes me feel frustrated.

As I returned to my building, I saw three little neighbor kids coming around the corner towards me; one little girl was carrying a huge potted plant in her tiny arms. “We’ve gotta return the flowers!” they exclaimed to me. “Yeah, they fell off the balcony!” one of the others said. I was touched by these children’s simple act of kindness (maybe it’s the teacher in me ;) ). They carried that pot all the way to the 3rd floor and carefully set it at the foot of my neighbor’s door. Then they took off with smiles.

It’s so easy to get caught up in the little frustrations that seem to bombard our lives…but we are refreshed when we discover an “Edelweiss” growing along beside them.

Categories: Just Life, Perspective, Spiritual Growth | 1 Comment

Lessons from Hiking

A couple weekends ago, some friends and I went hiking. Our planned one hour hike turned into a seven hour hike – six hours of which we were LOST. It was quite the adventure, and we were processing it for several days afterwards. After finally finding our cabin again (with HUGE amounts of guidance and strength from the Lord), I had trouble sleeping and came up with this song to reflect what we had learned.

“Guidance”

(to the tune of “Blessings” by Laura Story)

We pray for guidance; we pray for peace

We pray that we’ll see a clue when we look through the trees

We doubt the pathway; we start to fear

Wond’ring every minute when the cabin will appear

And all the while, You hear each spoken need

Though we can’t see, Your hand is guiding every step

What if Your guidance comes through blindness

What if Your leading is through trust

What if 6 hours of endless hiking’s how You show that You’re with us

What if despite the vague directions

From the people that we met,

You knew exactly where we were at every step, we need not fret

Though we may not see the way,

Our faithful God will lead us home.

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